Who Am I?

While we were having a conversation, my friend suddenly blurted out “I know what you are, I found the right word..(she paused then said with conviction)… Ambivert”. Huh! What? I didn’t know how to react, so I was dumbfounded. Perhaps, because that was the first time I heard the strange word. Or maybe I haven’t really thought about who really am I or pick a word for it. Or I was horrified that I was being adjudged? I mean do they really know me at all? What the?…Did I give her the right to examine and label me? Was it in a good way or the opposite? Ok fine, the tone of my writing is getting repulsive. So let me get my composure back as I don’t’ have a category for rant on this blog. In fact, I don’t intend to, it is not within the scope and purpose of this blog. Perhaps, she just wanted to help me start analyzing myself.

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Then, it came to my sense the inevitable question “Who Am I?”. I am in the mood for a research tonight so I was forced to ask my virtual-friend Google what an Ambivert means. And his cousin Merriam-Webster helped explain “a person having characteristics of both extrovert and introvert, a person who is intermediate between an extrovert and an introvert etc.” Hmm. Interesting. I have known it as “omnivert” that’s why. A new word indeed. Explained further, Extraversion tends to be manifested in outgoing, talkative, energetic behavior, whereas introversion is manifested in more reserved and solitary behavior. Alright, I am getting excited about this. All the while, I thought it to be a horrible description of me but let’s dig into it further. Typically, the accepted school of thought is either we are extroverts or introverts- just a single trait. To cut it short, based on the description, I can be moderately comfortable with groups and social interaction, but also relishes time alone, away from a crowd. Most people I know would normally say I am an extrovert and few could say I am an introvert, Now, this gave me light, it gave me a relief and I may be fitted as an Ambivert.

Let me speak for myself then and discuss what I think of myself. I’ll lay down my cards and itemize the answer to the big question “Who Am I”.

At home, being an Ambivert:

  • I love my Family. I am comfortable showing them how happy and sad I am most of the times
  • On the other hand, I don’t always depend on my family financially and emotionally. I am capable of handling myself on a certain level to say the least. But, when I doubt I can handle something, I am comfortable asking for their help. I remember going out from my comfort zone the next day after graduation, not only to prove something, but to have a little space and some time alone. I was longing for isolation from what I thought an endless attachment to them.
  • I get to fight with my parents/siblings at times, a typical family would have. In a good way of course. In the end, feud won’t last. I get to say sorry, when I know I’m wrong.

With Friends:

  • I love interacting with other people in a purposeful way. That I am sure of. The same friend told me, I can be extremely animated (gay), and can strike funny conversations. I also know when to say things, so much so that jokes (may seem offensive) I usually spill were not offensive (from what I know, I never had a black eye out of it).
  • I travel once in a while, I get to splurge on shopping, I get to try on rather fancy restaurant and fictional coffee with friends. I get to have our fifth need at least twice a month (s_ex). Believe me, I enjoy them. These doesn’t stop my life though.
  • I can be mellow and meditative at times. But I get depressed doing nothing alone.
  • Believe it or not, I am fascinated with gossip. For me,  gossip is not always bad, they run the world, even stock markets are driven by gossip.  And where can you get, them? -through social interaction. I also get to judge other people too, silently or as just a subject for a conversation. I don’t mind being an average, because gossip are ancient past times and they truly amaze me.
  • However, I also tend to defend my personal space from social life. Mainly because of priorities. I have other things in mind

o   I am sometimes lazy and love to stare at a blank wall. I can also smile alone while having thoughts about what happened during the day.

o   TV Series and Movies. You don’t have any idea what it does to me. Like reading books, they tend to expose me to different culture and fly me somewhere in the comfort of my own room. Is it bad?, Absolutely not. (Who will not stick to the likes of Game of Thrones, Shameless, Greys Anatomy, Weeds?)

o   Sleeping in my bed is so precious to me that I get to also enjoy so many extra-curricular activities (hey, I meant reading wankers!). I want to be sleeping alone too.

o   I have a dog (Tuesday), heaven knows how i love her. So, sometimes, much as i want to go out, I am responsible for her.

At work:

  • I do get to focus on work but doesn’t forget to infuse some fun (landi).
  • My Ambivert advantage is being assertive and enthusiastic to persuade and influence (makulit), on the other hand, I can listen to both internal and external customers avoiding the appearance of being overly excited just to persuade.
  • I think, I have also a skill of patience but I am not afraid to voice my arguments. I can sometimes be emotional and most of the time objective- knowing the situation, reason behind it and I know how to put myself in others situation. I once excelled in Sales, because of me putting a balance between aggressiveness and listening. Narcissism aside, I was a consistent top seller (Epixtar days)
  • I am learning to be a mentor. And the qualities I should have is within me, I just need to have some finishing touches.
  • I love public markets, it generally depicts how people interacts.  You can see all the traits people can have and the reason of their existence.

To my dear friend, Thank you. I actually like the label you gave because I think it describes me quite well.

And to those Ambiverts out there, Balance proves to be beneficial than extremes. So, be proud. If we can accept who we are, recognize the benefits of either type (extroverts/introverts), and finding the right –sweet spot between the two, you are on the right track.

But then again, we don’t expect everyone to comprehend this, all we could do is to understand- that we don’t share the same traits. The reason Ambiverts exist. My two cents.

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